


Untitled

by hernameisboxcar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel's POV, Coda, Dean's POV, Drabble, Episode: s06e20 The Man Who Would Be King, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash, s06e20 coda, season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 00:32:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3361166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hernameisboxcar/pseuds/hernameisboxcar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his mind, he had started the end of his world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If God Will Send His Angels

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't even remember that I had written these two drabbles back in 2011 until my friend Yekith (who actually hates Supernatural) brought up an old LJ account I had and I went to check my stuff and found these fics. WOW.  
> I wrote these drabbles after watching TMWWBK.
> 
> No slash, just feelings. Thanks, Yek!
> 
> I have no beta reader so any mistakes are mine and only mine. 
> 
> (Song that inspired this part, "If God Will Send His Angels", U2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXhY4kMor2A )

_“Nobody else here baby, no one here to blame_  
 _No one to point the finger - it’s just you and me and the rain”_  
(If God Will Send His Angels, U2)

 

He calmly stared at his hands, still not believing in what had happened just a few days ago - he was betrayed by the one who was supposed to protect and guide him. “Fucking angels!”, he thought. But there, at the back of his mind, Dean knew it was his _own_ fault: everything he asked for Castiel, the angel would do (and sometimes, Dean would think that Cas would only do what he was asked to please him). Dean wasn’t stupid, he knew that angels weren’t fond of human beings but Castiel was.   
  
He knew that Castiel had rebelled against his siblings _because of him_ ; he knew that Castiel would trust him blindly and what had he done? Turned his back on the only person who could see who Dean Winchester really was.   
  
Another shot of cheap whiskey, several foolish and stupid hits on girls who wore too much make up and pink lipstick to look older - he could hear Sam yelling ‘jailbait’ at his face right now, even though his brother wasn’t there - , he could only think about those bright blue eyes and the sad, hurt expression that Castiel had when he discovered that he was betrayed by his own friends and _family_.   
  
Dean left the place before the hot blonde chick could make a move on him, he got into his Impala and punched the wheel. Tears fell down his face as soon as he realized that Castiel was the one who made him laugh like no one else had done in years and actually, Cas was the only one who was making him cry like a kid at the moment.   
  
True tears full of regret.   
  
In his mind, he had started the end of _his own_ world.


	2. Heaven Help Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was an angel, he had orders to follow from the Lord, Himself - at least, it was what he used to believe - and in a way, Anna opened his eyes for the whole situation he was into and when he realized, he had rebelled. For Dean. For the Winchesters, for the mankind, but mostly for Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Song that inspired the chapter: "Heaven Help Us", My Chemical Romance - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_SajOvequnY )

_“‘Cause I’ll give you all the nails you need_  
 _Cover me in gasoline again.”_  
(‘Heaven Help Us’, My Chemical Romance)

 

As soon as the moment that doubts about his mission flooded his mind, Castiel knew he was walking a path where there was no turning back: he realized that he had the free will to think and act different than his siblings who kept with their despise against mankind and actually pleaded for the Apocalypse. Were they different from Lucifer, after all?  
  
He was an angel, he had orders to follow from the Lord, Himself - at least, it was what he used to believe - and in a way, Anna opened his eyes for the whole situation he was into and when he realized it, he had rebelled. For Dean. For the Winchesters, for the mankind, but mostly for Dean.  
  
When he was asked for help, he never hesitated to appear if the situation allowed him to be present; he had been led to situations which he thought he would never face, mostly because he was with the Winchesters - when, in his sane mind, would he walk by himself to a brothel and give himself away, one of his last bounds with God that he had kept? He was with Dean, someone who would give him courage to do things that he never thought he’d do.  
  
He laughed at himself when he realized that he hadn’t given his virgin self to anyone but ironically he had given his heart, without noticing, to him.  
  
To Dean.  
  
It wasn’t the family and friends “speech” that Dean had, it was more than that; looking at Dean’s face when Dean couldn’t see him, he could see how the man really was and that warm feeling started to appear, creeping inside him. What was that? He didn’t know but it was comforting to have this connection with somebody who actually knew about his own doubts and fears.  
  
So now, trapped inside this circle of fire in front of Dean’s broken self and disappointed eyes, Castiel didn’t feel angry at him, but misunderstood. Of course that a pact with Crowley, a demon, wasn’t his best idea, but it was what he needed to do to save everyone. The reason why he constantly asked for them ( _him_ ) to be by his side and trust him was because he knew that the power of that amount of souls could corrupt his own soul and their ( _Dean’s_ ) faith would bring him back to the right path.  
  
But, of course Dean only saw his own side of the whole story. Selfish human being, like any other human? Yes.  
  
Disappointed? Both of them were.  
  
Broken?  
  
Now that Castiel knew how Dean felt almost all the time and now that he wasn’t trusted by the ones he _still_ trusts, he couldn’t turn back. It wasn't just pride but the feeling that he had to end what he had started, leaving Dean and everyone else safe - at this point, it didn't matter if he would be safe.  
  
If he had a chance, he'd do _everything_ again.  
  



End file.
